A Piece of Advice…

If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be?

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”Can I ask you something?”

If you could travel back in time, sit down with your younger self for a cup of coffee, what would you say? What would you warn yourself about? Would you tell yourself to take a different path? Or to be braver? Or would you simply sit there, watching that younger version of yourself, wondering how someone who looks so familiar could feel like such a stranger? 

I’ve been thinking about this response and I’ve realised that I wouldn’t tell my younger self how to live her life. 

I might have a few suggestions. But I think I’d start by ordering us a coffee. 

First, I’d tell her to stop rushing. 

I think this would be the most important thing. When we are young, we’re always waiting for something. School to be finished, to become independent, to find the right job. We are waiting to fall in love with the right one, to have our own place, for that next chapter. And it’s almost as though we’re convinced that somewhere in the future, life will finally begin. 

And then we get there and discover that we’re waiting for something else. Another achievement, another milestone. Another version of ourselves. 

So, I would look at my younger self and tell her that not everything needs to be figured out immediately. She wouldn’t believe me, I know. I wouldn’t believe it either, but I would still say it. Life isn’t something that begins once you’ve accomplished everything on your list. It’s happening while you are making that list. 

Second, not everyone is going to stay. 

This one would be a little bit harder. Because, when we are young, we tend to imagine that the people who matter to us will always be there. The friends we laugh with, the people we tell everything to, the ones we cannot imagine going an entire week without seeing. We assume that people will be part of every chapter. But sometimes… Well, they aren’t. 

Friendships ends dramatically, others fade. And people who once knew everything about each other become strangers who remember the same summer. I’d want my younger self to understand that this doesn’t necessarily mean something went wrong. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. And that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. Some people are there for that one chapter and some for several! 

Third, stop worrying so much about what other people think. 

This one would require another coffee and possibly cake. Because I think so many of us spend our younger years trying to be acceptable versions of ourselves. Not too loud or too quiet, not too ambitious or too different. We worry about what people will think if we make the wrong decisions or if we wear something unusual. 

So, I’d tell my younger self to wear that outfit. Take that photograph, start that hobby, read that book everyone thinks it’s silly. And buy that mug with the little flowers on it. Actually… Perhaps don’t buy every mug. We need cupboard space. 

Don’t make yourself smaller just to fit comfortably into someone else’s expectations. 

Fourth, take more pictures of ordinary days. 

Not just the birthdays or the holidays. Take pictures of the kitchen, of the bedroom, of the coffee shop you visit. Take pictures of people you see daily. Make memories. The little things. 

Because one day, you will look back and realise that the ordinary moments were never quite as ordinary as you thought. You will remember the big occasions and sometimes, you will miss that completely unremarkable Tuesday. A familiar voice, a certain room, an afternoon that seemed to last forever. 

And finally, not everything will go according to plan. 

I know. It’s not the most comforting advice. But it’s the truth. Some things will work out beautifully and other won’t. There will be disappointments, wrong turns, people who surprise you, people who let you down. Opportunities you miss and others you never expected. 

There will be days when you feel certain about where you’re going and then, there will be days when you wonder whether everyone else received instructions that somehow got lost in the post. 

But I’d tell my younger self something else. That she will figure out more than she thinks she can. Not everything, of course…. She will learn, adapt and discover.